I dont twist my words. I know what I want to do, and I hate giving empty promises. Because I know very well, if I cant do it, I wont say I can do it. If there is a glimipse of hope that I could accomplish the task, I will also not give the first hope. Unless I am confident that I could meet the expectations, else no way.

Thats me.

Whenever Daddy asks us if Jie and me are going church on Sunday morning, I never/rarely promises him I'm going. Cos I know, there is a rather fat chance I cant wake up the next day to attend church. So most of the time I'll disappoint him by saying I'm not going first. Instead, Jie will always say, ya she's going. End up it's the same, we overslept. Who is the one who would disappoint Dad the most, at the end of the day. Daddy would just say, "dont give me just lip service, empty promises."

Sorry but I dont see any sense in it. If I cant wake up the next day, I cant attend church. So why make that promise even. It's not as if I dont try to wake up on time. If I do, it'll be a bonus, I'll go church. If I overslept, too bad then. Just because I dont say out aloud or my thinking process is different, it dont mean that I'm trying any lesser. (although the trying part only I will know, and God)

SO. Whats wrong with my planning yesterday. After interview I had around 2 3 hours to find the others before making it back in time for church. At least I dont miss anything. So I choose to say I'm not going for church. Afterall if I'm late for church service there is always the dinner afterwards. Am I wrong? No what, church is utterly volunteerily, God knows what I'm thinking, I see no reason to attend church every week just to show I'm a devoted arse christian. I'm not btw, but I do believe in him.

There are always two sides to things.

Scenerio 1: I promise that I'll go.
And unfortunately I miscued the timing and arrive late for church. So I stone outside the church waiting for my family to finish their service. They come out and feel, why I'm late for church/didnt join them for church etc. And they are angry.

Scenerio 2: I dont make that empty promise.
I miscue the timing, still arrive late for church. Wait outside for them. When they see me, their reaction will be, *shock ehh why are you here you're suppose to be at orchard!!

Isnt the mood difference a drastic contrast? Which scenerio will I choose. Obviously the latter right? Prudence!!

If everyone thinks the same way, we'll be robots. Please nail it down that not everyone thinks like you. AND I AM NOT BLOODY SATAN ALTHOUGH MY FAVOURITE COLOURS ARE COLOURS OF THE DEVIL. Satan satan, I'm not a fcuking snake.

Empty promises. One very good example. Aikido. Putting aside all the undecisiveness and dilema I had previously between aikido and dance. Who was the one who promised to return to aikido "the next month" and who is still not back in yet. You know the best who. You know yourself if you realy want to join back or not and you know the best.

In my opnion, I dont think that's any better than me. *shrug.

I really hate making empty promises and then to see people getting disappointed over my poor performance. I much rather disappoint them first, then I follow through it'll be a bonus, if not.. Well at last they cant be disappointed again. To this, part of the decision to join back aikido was cos I saw Daddy's and Kor's disappointment to my decision to stop aikido forever. I can choose to be heartless at times, but to follow through it, I cant really. Bah.


Another thing, my temper. Is this short, *thumb to little finger. I know my fault pretty well. I'm irrational, I said that ten thousands of times. I never deny. Act like a kid, make decisions like a kid, think like one... maybe maybe not, sometimes.

(People who hang around me abit more, will know I use sissors paper stone to make decisions.)

My temper goes even shorter when Im facing people who acts stupid/act cute or what-they have that annoys me greatly. Especially people who acts/being stupid I cant stand them. Having to repeat over and over again, or having to explain some no-brainer stuffs tires me. So sorry but I have no patience or time to deal with you, go grow some smarts before talking to me.

It's so weird to spend so much energy to change your attitude for people to not even appreciate it. In the past when I got pissed off I'll just scold like fcuk and vulgarities and everything. Which is a disaster la cos whenever I quarrel with Jie she'll pick on it then asked me what I said, like some deaf cos obviously she heard it, she'll ask me to repeat again. When I did she'll go all over and start scolding me for it. Like heck, I'm pissed off ardy?

Now I've ardy cut that down. When I'm pissed I would just say, forget it/drop it. Or just stay quiet cos I know when I'm angry I do things rashly and on impulse, which is no help at all. It takes me so much just to shut up and try to stay calm. I haven work on the face yet, so I'll be standing there quiet, with a kp face.

And my all too brilliant sister (mostly her), would be like, provoking me again. Either with the "whats with that face", or "why dont talk liao" something in this context. We end up quarreling again.

Its even more wtf la. Hello. If I let her choose. Will she want me to scold vulgars instead? I doubt so. So whats wrong sia. It's not like I'm not trying. But this is not a habit I can get rid of immediately mans. I'm so tired of even trying already. This temper prob, I've ardy gave up trying after realising no one even appreciated my effort.

Spoiled. I think, maybe in certain areas. And sometimes I feel wrongly accused.

Family likes to say that.. The things I want I must have.
I have expectations dont I. And it definately wasnt everything I want I must have. It's the things I mentioned are the things I really want, so it creates the impression that I must have. What about the things I dont mention? I dont ask for it doesnt mean I dont want, but did I mus thave it? I dont. It's jsut those that I mention are either those I feel it's impt at that point of time, or I really wanted it for a very long time. My choice may be right, may be wrong, but hey, it's still my choice.

Dont think that's being unreasonable. So SORRY for not being all smily faces and dealing with my disappointments like some angel. I'm only human ):

When expectations are not met, there is disappointment and within all humane reasons to feel upset right. I'm irrational rmb. I dont kick that much of a fuss but my expressions shows clearly on my face that I'm not happy. Guess that's why family always say I must have the things I want.

In terms of materialisticly(another invented term!) spoiled, NO way. I'm the only person in the house who is still sleeping without aircon, until ytd cos I'm abit afraid the aircon in my room will really spoil if I dont let it do some work soon. Unlike ahemahem, cant survive without aircon still nvm, still switch it on for so long. NVM!

I cant comprehend the reason that she set an alarm with the aircon. Like to make it auto switched off at 8AM in the morning. Which is a pretty good attempt to save electricity bills and to "force her awake" when there is no aircon. No diff lehs, not only did she continue sleeping til noon. She nearly made me suffocate the last few times I bunked into her room. No aircon, door close, windows close. She dont feel a single thing and she felt it was alright. Like omg, when the aircon stopped I could already feel the air so still it was suffocating. So zzz. Dont know how she survive one sia.

Gonna cut things short. Phone, I dont even want to compare how many phone she has changed and how many I changed. My 6280 is gonna be officially 3years old in... 2 more months. Jie had the same phone the same day as when I got mine. Since then she had changed.. W910i and her current samsung phone F480. Considering my next targetted phone is E71. She is also aiming for it also. So by the time we both get E71..

Phone changes for Me : 1 Phone changes for Jie : 3

SEE! Sigh, love numbers, cant lie. Truthful things.

Still it's rather true we hadnt talk for very long. But hey when I have things troubling me I'll just say it straight, find you in your room and say. Cant you do the same? need 2 hands to clap man. And I dont mean this in a way that its not my fault.